


Thoughts of you.

by kittysneaker



Category: Sweet Home (Manhwa)
Genre: M/M, OHOO??? ANOTHER HYUK COMOFRTING HYUN FANFIC??? YEAH RIGHTY, Panic Attack, confused hyun, died, gommenashaaai, hyuk the homosexual, mentioned of self harm scars, slightly trigger warning??, started as vent but then i say fuck it, this suck sm im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittysneaker/pseuds/kittysneaker
Summary: After all, he was their greatest walking weapon. All they have to do is giving him command, tell him what to do, make him feel guilty for not doing what they want, throw some bone and expect him to wag his tail and run after it. To put his life on line for people's sake.Was he doing it because he wanted to?Being their dog, trailing after people and deal with the disappointed look if he messed up.Did he do it because he wanted to?or because he was feeling guilty?
Relationships: Cha Hyun Su | Hyun Cha/Lee Eun Hyeok | Hyuk Lee (Sweet Home)
Kudos: 19





	Thoughts of you.

**Author's Note:**

> tittle are from ℒund - Low.  
> I was feeling very sad and down lately, i'm sorry for bad grammar or if they came out weird sm im too lazy to do check up AARGHhh //rolls//

Hyun eyes shot open. His chest ache as he tried to catch his breath. He **hated** this. **He hated waking up feeling like this.  
  
**

_Why now?_  
  
  
_Why here?_  
  
Out of every place he had been, back to his cell, back to the second floor room where he would sit near the window alone, listening nothing than Jisu's playlist that she made for him, somewhere else.  
anywhere that isn't _**here**_ ,  
  
  
Hyun felt the tears stung at the corner of his blood shot eyes. God, he feel _pathetic_. The black haired male get up from where he had laying down, using his shaking hand to support his weight as he turn his head around slowly, eyeing each survivors in the room that had their eyes shut and snoring, too comfortable in this forsaken wrecked world. Everyone seem fast asleep except Jayhun who sit next to the room door, holding sword between his palm, though he look like he's on autopilot. Just sitting crossed legs and eyes half lidded, he dozing off a few couple time, just to blink and rub his eyes later on. He seem too tired and occupied with the door to notice that Hyun was looking at him with sympathy look from afar.  
  
Hyun inhale slowly and reach to wipe his tired eyes, Yeah, all he need is sleep. Maybe sleep can relax his body a bit. He slide down slowly and curl on the cold floor, hugging himself shakingly. He need to sleep, he need energy tomorrow and he didn't want to mess it up, he didn't want to let everyone down no more.  
  
After all, he was their greatest walking weapon. All they have to do is giving him command, tell him what to do, make him feel guilty for not doing what they want, throw some bone and expect him to wag his tail and run after it. To put his life on line for people's sake.  
  
Was he doing it because he wanted to?  
  
Being their dog, trailing after people and deal with the disappointed look if he messed up.  
  
Did he do it because he wanted to?  
or because he was feeling guilty?  
  
_**You want to look good in everyone eyes.**_  
_  
Who wouldn't?_  
  
**_You want them to be impressed? To make you feel better about yourself? You're more of a bitch than I thought._**  
  
Hyun can hear the voices behind his head mocking him, laughing and snickers. When he try to close his eyes, he can see another version of him standing above him, looking down at him with it wide disgusting grin.   
_  
**Do you feel better about yourself now, Hyun Cha?  
Or should i call you, hero?**_  
  
  
_Why are you doing this to me?_  
  
  
_**What you're doing was.. kinda impressive, the way you just throw yourself in everyone's line to save them.**_  
  
  
_...  
_  
  
_**Though it's a shame they don't think that way, am I right?**_  
  
  
Hyun's eyes widen,  
  
**_You're deluding yourself again, do you think you can just ignore it all and pretend nothing happened?_**  
  
_I don't understand-_  
  
  
**_You haven't change at all!_**  
  
The another version of him spat at his face, his grin became wider as Hyun's face became paler at his word.  
Hyun's lips trembled when his other self open his mouth, next thing he knew, his head feel like it's splitting apart, left nothing but brutal headaches wave through his head.  
  
**_Who told you that?  
I don't even have a brother!_**  
  
The other version of him mock with the voice of his sister's, it's almost the same that Hyun almost gag,  
the thoughts of his sister came back within second, just when he almost forget it all. _It came back_. The traumas that he try to shove at the back of his head so he could move on.  
  
_It came back._

  
  
Can't handle the bitter taste on his tongue anymore, Hyun began to sob quietly. He clutch the front of his jacket as he fight the urge not to shake his body violently. Hyun bite his lip to muffle any sound and close his eyes, God. He hated himself more than anything. He rather die than receiving the disbelief and disgust look from everyone he knew, everyone that he used to rely on so bad. _Is he that bad?_  
  
  
The fear of letting everyone down, just like back in high school, when everyone hovering over him and laughing at him. Spitting their poisons that slowly eating him alive. Everywhere he go, he dragging the burden with him. _He was scared,_  
  
He was scared, yet everyone pretend like they didn't see the fears in his eyes.  
  
He hate everyone.  
  
_  
He hate himself._  
  


The black haired male flinch when a hand suddenly touch his shaking shoulders, he shot his eyes open. Sight still blurred, he tried to make shape of who just touched him. Hyun mumble out an apology to whoever hovering over him. Maybe it just the shop keeper who's going to told him to shut the fuck up, or Jisu to ask him if he's okay, or Eun to ask him to low his tone, he was bothering everyone.  
  
The figure remain silent, just staring at him without saying anything. Hyun thought that the figure was Wook, is he going to punch him for making noise?  
  
Hyun almost jump out of his skin when a pair of warm hand suddenly placed on his now tears stained cheek. His shoulder shook violently, caused the figure to let out soft shush, as if it try to comfort him, to make him feel better. Hyun let out a gasp when the figure bring their face closer. Eyes widen.

"Hyuk-?" Hyun startled,

"Shh.." The silver haired male shushed him off, he wrapped his other arm behind Hyun's back while the other guiding him to sitting position. Hyun now, sitting with his leg brought to his chest, hugging himself tightly despite the mixture of cold night and the warm from the old heater in front of them. Hyun wondering who was the previous owner, yet he didn't care enough to ask where they get it from. Whoever owed it before, he wanted to say thanks, or else he probably be freezing to death now.  
  
Hyuk place a hand on the black haired male face, he use his thumb to wipe the tears from his eyes.  
Hyun's cheek burnt at the sudden touch and closeness. He was not used to this kind of touch, It feel different, both weird and comforting. Since when the leader were this kind?  
  
He couldn't see Hyuk's eyes because it's hidden under his geeky glasses, yet he knew Hyuk's dark eyes probably stared boringly into his grey's. Was Hyuk were close to anyone like this before?? Was.. _they were this close?_

"I'm here." Hyuk said, breaking his train of thought. Hyun find it's hard to speak, the air around him feel so heavy, he didn't notice he were holding his breath. "It's okay, you're alright, you're safe." Hyuk rubbing his back in comfort manner as he whispered encourage words under his breath, not loud enough for everyone to hear what he was saying but not low enough that Hyun would miss.  
  


Hyun lowered his head, embarrassment began to filled his head.  
He about to scratch his arm out of habit when he nervous, but he stopped when Hyuk's bigger hand wrap around his pale fingers, lowering it down from his arm. Hyun look up to the leader and noticed how his expression had change from his usual sinister smile to somehow, more softer expression. He look both concern and worried.   
  
'Why? Why did Hyuk being this nice to me suddenly? Aren't they all hate me?' Hyun thought to himself. The black haired male lowered his head, he gazed dropped onto his own arm, his old scars that failed to get hidden under his black jacket sleeves stare angrily at him. Reminding him how much a failure he was. It was too deep that Hyun confused why he didn't die. Maybe heaven and hell hated him so much that they wanted him to be here, to suffer. _He deserved it._

Hyuk wrap his hand around the black haired male's wrist and lift it toward his lips, Hyun stared at him confused. When Hyuk placesoft kisses on his scars covered wrist, Hyun's mouth gap open and his eyes widen, If it was possible, his cheeks probably burnt and smokes came out of his ears by now. He couldn't speak, just watching the other male continue planting kisses all over his arm, after awhile, Hyuk look down into Hyun's glassy eyes and speak with gentle tone sending butterfly in Hyun's stomach.  
  
  
"You're really amazing, Do you know that, Hyun?"  
  


Hyun open his mouth multiply times, but when there's nothing came out, he curse under his breath and stare at his arm where the leader just pressed his lips. "W-Why..?" He ask quietly,

Hyuk wrap his arm around the black haired male's shoulder, patting him softly to calm him,  
"Why you're being this kind..?" Hyun manage to slip out from his mouth, thousand of questions plague his mind,  
"You hate me- You all hate me, then why..?"  
  
Hyun lowered his head, he didn't dare to look up. He was scare if he did, he gonna meet empty eyes.  
_'Of course we hated you, I hate you, but you're our greatest weapon, Hm?'  
'So we at least need to make sure you get enough rest so you won't fuck up anything tomorrow, Okay?'_

  
"We don't hate you." Hyuk response, Hyun still had his head hang low. "I don't hate you."  
  
Hyun bite his bottom lips, his eyebrows rose together as another headaches wave through his head.  
"Beside.. I don't have a reason to hate you." Hyuk added,   
  
Hyun open his mouth and say something, his voice sound like a broken record that Hyuk couldn't register what he was saying,  
"What?"  
  
Hyun shot up his head and almost yelled at the taller male between them, "I'm a fucking monster, Hyuk. That's a _reason_ for you."  
  
Hyuk didn't even flinch when Hyun raise his voice, instead, he raise one eyebrow at him and crooked his head to side,  
"That's not a reason for me to hate you though."  
  
Hyun's eyes twitch, he can hear voices laugh mockingly at the back of his head. _That's a reason._  
he brought his hand up to his head and began to pull his own hair. Seeing Hyun trying to pull out his hair, Hyuk grab his wrist and pull it away.  
  
"Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself."  
  
  
  
_Shut up._ _Shut up._ _Shut up._ _  
**W** hy do **y** ou ca **r** e so **m** uch **?**_  
  
  
Hyun bite his lip before word slip out his mouth, "Why would it matter to you, anyway?"  
He wanted to push the other male away, to get out of his grasp. To run to somewhere where nobody can hear his wails, his ugly cries,  
if no one care enough to answer the prayers of a ghost, why would they listen to him?  
  
So, seeing someone _pretend_ to care for him, hurt.  
_It's hurt so much_ that he wished he could die in spot. He wished that his heart would stop beating inside his chest.  
  
  
_"Hyun."_  
  
Hyuk's voice pulled him back to reality, his head snap up. He wanted to _cry_ when he saw how Hyuk's face dropped when the word escaped his mouth. Maybe Hyuk was tired too that he didn't even hesitate to voice his thought to Hyun, to someone he didn't even care at all to put his life in danger in order to give everyone else benefits before. Someone, that he didn't even talk to unless it's necessary.  
  
  
_**What had make you change your heart?**_  
  
  
  
"It's matter to me." Hyuk added, his other hand that wasn't holding Hyun went to scratch his neck awkwardly, he seem like he wanted to keep his mouth shut, yet he let it be, he let the word escaped his mouth into Hyun's ears.  
"Because You didn't deserve to feel this way.. you're so much worth than this."  
  


With that, Hyun's eyes began to get watery again, he feel like tearing up once again. But this time, It's feel different,  
his heart doesn't ache like it did when Hyun crying in the school toilet stall, his body doesn't shake like when he's crying in his bedroom when his family betrayed him. It feel different,  
  
it's not sad tears, it's a _happy_ tears. He had been dying to hear someone to tell him that his life worth to live for, that He is _**worthy**_.  
  


Hyuk lowered his head until they're the same level, his forehead connected with Hyun's. He wrapped his arm protectively around the black haired male, no words spoken, just action shows that he won't leave unless Hyun told him to.  
  
  


**━━━━━━━**

  
"Hyun."  
  
Hyun raised his head to look at Hyuk, the leader now wasn't looking at him. Instead, he was looking at his fist in Hyun's lap.  
"If i tell you this, will you get mad?" Hyuk asked, his voice almost crack at the end, he manage to cover it by letting out cough.  
  
"No." Hyun replied, eyes closed. Body slack from the warm and comfort. Hyun shook his head slightly. Which to Hyuk's point of view, was very adorable. He looked so small in his lap, he couldn't see Hyun's face, only the top of his head. Hyuk purse his lips, he push his fingers between Hyun's black locks. He let out sigh before rubbing Hyun's scalp gently,

  
"I think.. I'm in love with you."  
  
He waited for the black haired male to respond, only for the worry to grow bigger at the pit of his stomach when Hyun sucked in his breath loudly, his body stiff around Hyuk's hold.  
"You don't have to accept it, if it makes you uncomfortable." Hyuk added, he mentally punching his face.  
  
  
Why do he have to confess now.. he should've confess later. When Hyun calm down, not after he had just went through mental breakdown.  
  
_**What a great strategies you are, Hyuk.**  
Shut up, I know._  
  
  
Hyun shook his head again, his head lean toward Hyuk's chest. Hyuk couldn't see his face, yet he could see the tip of his ears begin to redden. "N-No. It just.." Hyun stammer, he stopped to inhale,  
"Sorry, that was the first time a guy confess to me.. I don't know how to react."  
  
Hyuk let out chuckles, "Weird right? I should apologize too, sorry."  
  
"Why would you apologize?" Hyun raise his head up, now that his eyes meeting Hyuk's. Hyuk's cheeks begin to turn shade of pink.  
Hyun looking at him with curious look, his eyebrows knitted together and he was pouting slightly.  
_He look so cute, Oh my god. I wanted to kiss him so bad._  
  
Hyuk can hear the voices behind his head nag. _Oh shut up._  
  
He inhaled and replied, "For being homosexual?" though it's more like a question than a reply,  
Hyun blink at him before giggling, he snort at him and shook his head, smile still doesn't left his lips,  
"That isn't a crime."  
  
_His smile is so bright..._  
  
  
  
  
The silver haired male raise one of his eyebrow, his lips turn into smirk as he spoke,  
"Then what is it?"  
  
Hyun simply shrug, which earn a fake disappointed noise from the leader,  
"Come on.. What do you think is it? i want to know what you thinking this time."  
  
Hyun stuck his tongue out and respond, almost nonchalant, "Forbidden crushes.."  
  
Hyuk's hold tighten around Hyun's waist, he lower his head so his cheek right next to Hyun's temple.  
"And you don't like it?" he asked, he could feel anxiety growing at the pit of his stomach, yet he try to ignored it.  
  
Hyun went silent for a moment before he turn his head to other side, he let out sigh and responded,  
"No, I don't.. dislike it. I don't hate it either."  
  
Hyuk nodded, he wasn't sure what it's mean, but if it's making the black haired male uncomfortable, then he won't try to force him into anything.  
  
Hyun turn his head toward him back, he wasn't looking at Hyuk, but his head nuzzling against Hyuk's cheek showing that Hyuk's presence doesn't make him uncomfortable,  
  
"I- Uh, I think.. It's weird to say but, I think i feel this.. toward you." Hyun said with unsure tone, his finger playing with the end of his jacket nervously as he spoke,  
  
"Feel this?" Hyuk encourage him, Hyun look like he was hesitate but eventually let it out,  
"What it's feel like- If you kissed me, once- Shit, sorry that was stupid."  
  
Hyuk blinked at him before he let out chuckles,   
"Hyun.. I was thinking the same- crap.. remember the day i asked you to be my friend?"  
  
Hyun rolled his eyes and puffed his cheeks, "You was an asshole."  
  
  
"Come on, you were so cute when i watched you sleep."  
Hyuk wanted to add the part where he almost forgot that Hyun got hit and break his skull because he sleep so calmly, but he didn't want the other male to feel bad so he just left the part behind. Some thing better left unsaid.  
  
  
"You watched me sleep?!" Hyun's whisper yelled, his eyes widen. His cheeks burnt as he try not to burst in the leader's lap. Hyuk on the other hand, doesn't try to make the situation less embarrassing for him, he only smirked and keep teasing him even more.  
  
"Are you angry?" He poke Hyun's temple with his cheeks,  
  
Hyun open his mouth to say something but shut it back when he struggle to let anything out, he glare at Hyuk before curse under his breath.  
  
"..Shut up."  
He tried to sound annoyed, yet Hyuk swear he could hear the smile behind his word.  
  
He wished he could hold the other male like this forever, he raise his cheeks from Hyun's temple and lower his chin on Hyun's shoulder, inhaling his scent.  
  
"Hey, uhh." Hyun said quietly out of blue, making sure only both of them can hear their conversation.  
  
"Yeah?" Hyuk replied, eyes closed. He still inhaling the shorter male's scent, his arm wrapped tightly around him as if Hyun will disappear if he accidently let go.  
  


Hyun seem hesitate at first, he inhaled before whispered quietly. "I..I love you.. too."  
His hand that was playing with end of his jacket slowly placed on Hyuk's warm one, his fingers brushed against him now and then.  
  
  
"So... are we a thing now?" Hyuk asked, hopeful.  
He feel like weight on his shoulder got lifted up and knot in his stomach came undone when Hyun nodded and replied shyly,  
  
  
"Yeah.. a thing."  
  
He never feel like crying out of joy in his whole entire life before.


End file.
